Turns out, even when you don’t want to, even when it feels like you’re not getting what you asked for, even when you don’t understand or you’re just flat out angry- love requires something, something bigger than you’d like to give. But as it also turns out, the steady, everyday, good morning and good night kind of love lends itself to moments of completely unexpected awe as well. There are moments when I can’t seem to remember ever not knowing this person, and there are moments I see him for the first time all over again. This whole, individual person who lets me depend on me, who allows himself to depend on me.
One year ago I married my husband. I still feel every much as silly using the word husband for my best friend, because it feels so grown up, because we’re still kids in a lot of parts of our heads. That day was this kind of chaos I find myself laughing at a year later. I sit here and try to remember how eager I was to be my husband’s wife and just as everyone does I am humored by the two people who had no idea what the 1st year would require of them. We were, and often still are, blessed with an ignorant optimism about what we’re capable of. Together this year, as a young team, I graduated from college, we added a puppy to our team, we fought to open a coffee shop and finally did, I got a job, lost a job, weathered some storms and rebuilt some parts of myself, this time with someone who was looking out for me a little better than I cared to for myself. It feels like we’ve really finished this first year as a team. We are sending off this first year with some laughs, sighs of relief, well wishes and a little skip jump forward into the next year. I am proud of how we’ve grown and loved this year, but I know I am so much more excited for what is to come.