Today I was told by an advisor that I will eventually have to accept that in order to excel in my career I will have to give up the idea of a private life and be constantly available to work calls and emails. “You’re young, give it time and you’ll realize…” I was very sad for her.
In an attempt to be creative outside the requirements of school & work I am playing with type for 30 days.
Don’t carry the weight no one is asking you to carry. Don’t let it weigh you down and become overwhelmed. Don’t less the unnecessary and the small keep you too low to love the people around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself, no one is asking you to, and if they were, they’d be wrong. Take each task, each assignment, each expectation piece by piece. Know that you can’t do everything all at once to to the very best of your ability. Remember the limits you have as a fragile human- the need for companionship, creativity, white space, sabbath. Rest in your God who equips you for the task ahead. Rest in the God who created you with limits, and desires to teach you balance. Believe each dream, each to-do, each “should” has it’s own time, and everything has been made beautiful in its time. Don’t rush ahead, and don’t dwell on yesterday’s failure. Accept grace, and don’t let the small things be bigger than they are. Remember what it means to be okay: to love, to be loved, to rest in a true and unshakable identity- to know you don’t carry your fate. Rest girl, rest. Take a deep breath and come home to yourself. Remember that while your identity isn’t the problem at hand, remember you’re okay. Remember life is a series of seasons and seasons change. Fall doesn’t envy spring for her flowers, she knows her job is to change, to evolve. Winter doesn’t grow bitter because she’s bare, she understands how much further and much more clearly the eye can see through the woods in the cold, barren winter than in the lush, green summer. Remember gratitude girl, remember how useless selfish groaning can be. Remember to fill your cup enough to spill over into your neighbor’s. Refrain bitterness. Keep your heart soft, keep your eyes open, keep your ear to the ground. And if you forget this sometimes, remember at least this, you’re okay anyway.
Some things I found on the internet that are making me think about making more beautiful things.
I’ve recently become very interested with the intersection of the digital space and tactility- even though I can’t physically touch these images, there is something real about them, in the texture and warmth and personality. I’m not sure how to do this in my own digital work, but it’s something that’s really fascinating to me.
Life lately has been a little extra emotional for this ball of emotions over here. This post is kind of proof of that, but it’s also proof of something a little greater I hope.
I had a facebook memory pop up today, it reminded me where I was this time last year. I was wearing the same orange and white striped shirt I’m wearing today, and I was on top of a mountain. It was perhaps the most beautiful mountain I had ever stood on. I remember feeling it, I still feel it- the most conflicting feeling of overwhelming beauty and intense pain . . .
For someone like me, I can step into pain and really feel it all. I’m made up mostly of emotions and I’ve come to find when I feel, I feel deep and strong. Emotions seldom brush by me, rather they twist around me like a blanket, I can become completely entwined in a feeling.
I can remember standing on that mountain, feeling naked. I felt like my comfort and my safety had been mockingly taken from my hands. I felt robbed. Just the same, I felt overwhelmed with the view I had in front of me. I felt joy in the cool breeze that danced through the warm sun rays on my skin. I felt God in the lush grass that seldom saw many footprints. I felt every bit frail and collapsed as I did held together by something bigger. In that moment, I think I really learned a great contradiction: beauty in pain.
The days to follow were some of the hardest with some of the worst news. Learning one the most valuable people in your life won’t stay with you for all your days on earth like your childlike mind had pretended…well I don’t have words for that feeling, just the feeling that remains with me. In those hard days last summer, life was never more painful, the moments had never been that valuable and just the same I had never experienced so much joy in such small places
I recently heard this quote from a woman named Ruthie Lindsey, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain”. I don’t know why this is true, but it is. God met me in a hollow place and he showed me overflowing beauty. He showed me the overwhelming beauty of a smile, and it was only so beautiful because there would be days where I didn’t see one. I saw birds differently, I saw my family differently, I saw flowers and water and food differently.
Looking back at last summer, I see the golden thread woven throughout the most painful memories. A laugh in a hospital room became the very best thing I’d ever heard. Life isn’t all pain, and it’s definitely not all beauty, but I am thankful for a God who can use pain, who wastes nothing- who uses every piece of the pain for beauty.
If you’re walking through something right now & can’t see the beauty, that’s okay, just keep your eyes open and it will find you. And if you need some encouragement in your inbox, send me an email & I’d love to send you some words that might bring some light or hope to your life right now.
A few weeks ago I was comissioned to create a custom artwork for one of my very best friends. It’s kind of a best-case-possible scenario for making art. I was given a lot of creative freedom for choosing what to make, which was a total gift & so much fun. I knew I wanted it to be deeply personal to her, so I decided to ask her closest friends what her favorite places in her college town were- the places maybe only she knew, random places, made up names. I wanted to create a map just for her. I wanted it to be simple but I wanted to include watercolors to make sure it wasn’t too formal. Creating a map proved more difficult than expected but it was so rewarding to complete it, and even more so to see her read the map and realize it was all the places she loved. I framed it with a Hearth & Home vintage metal frame to keep with the simple/nostalgic feel.
I aboslutely loved this project and I’m excited to announce that I’ll be re-opening my Etsy shop this friday for the first time in about a year. To stay posted on all things shop-related and to get exlusive discounts, sign up to my newsletter below!
As a kid/teenager, I never really realized how much of my life was mapped out for me. I didn’t realize there would come a time where me and my friends had to choose our own paths and make decisions only we could make. Coming to college and into adulthood has introduced a new word to my life: should. It’s my least favorite word. It is often full of anxiety and shame and all the wrong reasons. I use this word when I feel in adequate or confused- when I’m comparing my path to those of the people around me. Becoming an adult has meant making my own decisions, living my own life and having to accept the fact that my everyday will look different than those to the left and right of me.
I chronically suffer with doubting I’m doing it right. If I see success or goodness on someone else’s path, I often think I must need that to find my own success as well- completely ignoring God’s own unique plan for just me, and believing there is simply one or two ‘right’ ways. In my doubt I begin to think..
“I should do more”
“I should clean my house more”
“Why am I not doing that too?”
“I should I should I should”
Maybe the word makes you cringe like it does for me too. Whenever I hear a friend utter that word, more often than not I tell them, “should is a bad word”. I looked up the definition of this word I’m writing about, and it only reinforces what I’ve found to be true in my own life:
used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions
I wonder why we often let obligation and “correctness” be our guide– shaming us into inadequacy. It is truly a word of comparison. So instead of nagging myself with “I should really go to the gym” I want to reframe my thoughts to be more loving and gentle: “I want to go to the gym to take care of the body I have been given”.
In creativity there is no room for this shaming comparison, yet I often find myself thinking “I should practice more so I can make work like that”. Instead, the thing that will truly bring me into my own best work is working from a place of rest, knowing I don’t need to catch up, or be the same. We each have our own paths, our own best next step forward. ‘Should’ simply has no place as we navigate our own unique and completely personally-written paths.
Thanks for reading this, I hope some of it made sense and you step back and think the next time you hear should come into the conversation.
I’m so proud of that cliff hanger title…definitely too proud, because there’s nothing too earth-shattering here, more just a life update. Two months into Graphic Design school and I love it. It’s hard, my classes are all 3 hours long and sometimes I spend an hour long class attempting to perfectly draw one letter, but I love it. (side note: you may find some new changes in my site/my portfolio)
Deciding to change tracks from studying photography to studying graphic design was a big deal for me. It wasn’t simply changing my college major, no, not for this ball of emotions and heavy heavy feelings- this was an existential decision- a move away from something I’d been chasing for 6 years and a step into the unknown…I know, welcome to my brain.
I feel SO much peace about this change of creative focus and SO much joy that I took the risk to apply to a program I felt way unqualified to step into. And now here I am, calling myself a graphic designer. And I truly truly love it. It combines all my passions in one study- photography, illustration, writing, design, and typography.
Now here’s a little list about the unique traits of being in art/design school :
- those lovely previously mentioned, 3 hours studio classes
- hours of work outside the studio (daily)
- an expectation to invest your whole mind and heart into your classwork, simply doing the bare minimum isn’t good enough…for your professors or for your own personal convictions
- a community of people who you commiserate with, work through pieces with, eat with, laugh with and maybe even cry with (it’s not as uncommon as you may think) (or maybe I’m just too emotional)
- being driven by making work you’re proud of instead of just making an A in a class
- you know most people are there for a purpose deeper than just getting a degree so they can get a job
I wanted to write this post because I am trying to be better about blogging/writing in general. I’ve started seeing it as a way to archive thoughts and stories along my way, something to look back on, and also just a way for my mom to keep tabs on me…
Here are some photos from our first week in Austria. Please enjoy these photos, I’ve been so overwhelmed by the beauty and peace of nature lately. While these photos may capture some real beauty, we’re walking through a valley in life right now. The days are hard and these are photos of the good times, we are holding tight to the good times. I’m learning how important it is to enjoy rest and joy amidst trial and heart ache. God is meeting me right where I am right now. He is literally leading me to green pastures and still waters.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake
Jägersee: we walked the loop around the lake and had dinner. When we walked up to the lake, it was so quiet and there were literal SWANS on the water, it felt like paradise. Perfection doesn’t exist on this planet but God is good to show us glimmers of Heaven.
One more stop on our way to Oberndorf- Rossbrand Mountain, my mom said it’s possibly the best view of Austria she’s ever seen. It’s kind of wild how quiet it is when you’re so high on a mountain. We enjoyed the sunshine and sat in the grass while equally knowing this is what the calm before the storm feels like. God is with me on the mountaintop and in the valley.
Before the mountains were brought forth,
or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
Mountain cows are the best cows.
My family at my uncle’s 60th birthday party, missing dad and Grace.
The oldest coffee house in Salzburg – where Mozart took his coffee.
Life is hard and beautiful and God is with us and He is good.
In March my sister, mom and I got to spend a few days traveling around California. My favorite moments in California are always always driving along the coast. It was a simple trip, we stayed with friends, we drove around, mom told us about the glory days of how she rode her bike to her University and how she worked a full time job and yada yada (honestly my mom was such a badass and I love her California stories).
I took as many photos as I could until my mom and grace were rolling their eyes at me (my general photo parameters when photographing my loved ones).
California, I love your humidity, your flora, your sunshine and your coastlines.